SAFETY FIRST?

Wilo fell asleep while eating. That's what she gets for waking up at 6am. Don't worry, I was prepared to do the heimlich.

NIGHT TIME RITUALS

H1N1 Welcome

HUMP...

My rude wife took these photos a couple months ago. She found it very funny that I was having a hard time climbing up a huge log. The older (and fatter) I get, the more I miss my young energetic days.

MIRACLE AND HEALING NIGHT

Do you believe in miracles? New Hope Church will host a special evening of prayer. Miracle and Healing night is an evening of worship and petition. If you are looking for direction in your life, and looking for God to intervene, you will not want to miss this evening of worship.

If you are:

Struggling in your marriage
Overwhelmed with financial distress
At a crosspoint and need direction
In need of physical healing
Ready to surrender emotional baggage

...then this evening is for you.

Miracle and Healing Night
New Hope Adventist Church
7:30pm

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

PASTOR'S APPRECIATION MONTH

This Saturday my church will be honoring the pastor's of New Hope, as it is pastor's appreciation month. I am excited, not for the public honor, or gifts, but rather because I appreciate the congregation's recognition of what we do in the community.

Much of what a pastor does is done in the privacy of our office, or in a member's home. Most people don't see the interaction, especially what is often exchanged in conversation.

Last night, I was reliving some of the best moments in pastoral ministry with Rej. Here are some of the highlights from the last 13 years of ministry. Note: None of this is exaggerated.

1. "I feel like punching you in the face!" Last week right before church service started. I had deeply offended and hurt him. I was in the wrong. This time, I did deserve a punch in the face.

2. "I am praying Pastor Kumar dies in a plane crash, I once prayed this same prayer for another pastor, and God answered my prayer." Told me to me by the church secretary several years ago.

3. "I am going to walk in there, and tear that table apart, and teach him a good lesson" Two members very angry that I was leading communion with leavened bread. They were plotting in the foyer to walk into the service and 'turn over the table' as Jesus did. Luckily, a church deacon intervened.

4. "You better watch yourself. I know where you live." A church member who worked for the U.S. government in a 'secret' agent who regularly interrogated terrorist, after a contentious church business meeting. After that, I stopped publishing my home address.

5. "I will kill you." A 37 drug lord from San Bernadino, CA who I told was not welcome to the youth Sabbath School, since he was taking over the conversation, and scaring the kids. This happened in the church parking lot.

6. "I own your suit...because my tithe paid for that." Church member at Sligo Church, during a short period under cover police officers were attending, to protect several of the pastors who had received death threat, during a widely publicized church split.

7. "I am not sure what I am capable of doing..." A church member talking to me in my back yard, while he was strung out on heroine. That was the last time I had a pastoral meeting in my home. Now, they are always in public settings.

8. "Let go of me, I will kick your ass" as I attempted to escort a youth out of a church sponsored event who had shown up drunk, and was beating up another teenager in the bathroom.

9. "Somebody, please call 911." ~ Kumar Dixit

10. "Can you tell my parents I am pregnant. They will kill me." 17 year old confiding that she was pregnant with a 14 year old boy. Both were in my youth group.

11. "I am in bed already. Can you bring him home." Conversation with a mom at 1:00am after a youth event who didn't feel like picking up her son at the church.

12. "I had an affair." Countless members confessing to me.

13. "I think we should break up. I don't want to marry you." During a volatile pre-marital counseling session. Whammy! Four couples have broken up during counseling with me.

14. "It is my professional opinion that you both should not be married. I cannot perform your ceremony. It is against my better judgment." Me, two weeks prior to the wedding date.

15. "Kumar Dixit - the epitome of a hypocrite..." Title of an anonymous blog published in honor of all of my misfailings. It received almost 2,000 hits within one month.

16. "I had an affair with a church member." One of my dear friends, whom I was an associate pastor with. Consequently, he was fired the following week.

17. "I had lunch with Pastor *****." My senior pastor (in California) told me. One year later, he was fired for having an affair with this lady pastor. They both left their spouses and got married.

18. "Thanks for lunch, it's been a long time since I was on a date." Widowed church member, after what I thought was a working lunch.

19. "Are you serious?" After a church member confesses his sexual experience with a certain animal. I was trying to keep my composure and look pastoral as I was about to hurl.

20. "I don't like you!" As a member pins me against the wall, and speaks 1 inch from my face. I had asked them to step down from ministry due to a moral lapse in judgment.

21. "You've been served." Upon receiving the legal papers from a court clerk. I had been named (among others) in a lawsuit for one million dollars. Finally, after five years, the suit was thrown out by the Maryland Supreme Court. Your tax and tithe dollars at work.

22. "Last night I found my wife hiding in the closet in a fetal position, crying, naked. She is insane. I am leaving her."

Thanks for the memories. I love being your pastor! I love you too.

GONG

Last week, I took my World Religions class to the Wat Thai Buddhist temple of Washington DC. As the monk was explaining the tenets of the Buddhist religion, we could hear the sound of gongs. Gong, gong, gong...

The students suddenly perked up, and began to raise their hands.

"Excuse me, what is the significance of the gong?"

The monk looked confused.

"We just heard the ringing of gongs. Does it signify prayer time?"

He gave a blank expression as though he didn't understand their question.

I answered: "It means it is eight o'clock."

There was an old grandfather clock in the back of the room.

BLACKMAIL

Last night, Eli's cousin, Ian came over for a sleep over. I had to borrow Jaelin's girly pillow for them to use. They played flashlight wars until they feel asleep.

Awe, isn't this so cute, you both sleeping, with each others arms touching one another. This will be a great photo to use when you are in high school.

I can't wait!

DAD DUTY

Evil Kumar's Plan to Take Over the World

Tonight I have the kids to myself, and Rej is out with the girls. I know secretly, I can handle the kids, but she relishes in the fact that I am going to get a taste of what she routinely does. The fact is, I don't get stressed with the kids. It is all an act, so she'll think I can't handle it. That way, she assumes I am a dumb dufus, whom she can't trust the kids with. This is the oldest trick in the book, guys, and for some reason, our wives don't catch on, perhaps because they want to think they are the only ones who can do it on their own. Seriously, you think if a 15 year teenage babysitter can do it, I can't? (Snicker)

Tonight, I baked a pizza (didn't order it, I made it), gave baths, played Uno, read books, and had worship. All in a evenings work.

When Rej gets home, I will act overwhelmed; to be in a bad mood, like I couldn't handle the kids on my own, and leave some of the dishes out, and food uncovered (this really makes her mad). She'll think to herself, this guy is an idiot! I can't leave him for a few hours. He doesn't even know how to clean up after himself. Ugh. (Snicker)

She'll feel guilty for leaving the kids home alone with her incompetent husband, and take over with a vengeance. Just how I planned. (he he he, snicker, snicker).

ODE TO MY KIDS

I can only imagine the stress it must be like having a krazy dad like me. We have a ton together, but at the same time, I am gone alot, and sometimes my time is stolen from them to serve others. But when we play, we play. It is a whole bunch of fun. I only wish this picture was clear, because it says everything about my kids, and our relationship.



Talking about stress. Seriously dad, you want me to pose when there is a 2000 pound animal standing 10 feet away. I don't think so.



We went to a family function last Sunday, against Rej's judgment. School was the next morning, but I wanted to show up my kids to my extended family. We got there at 5:30 - 30 minutes late (on purpose), knowing it wouldn't start on time. At 7:30, we left, since supper didn't seem anywhere in the near future. Remember, my kids go to bed at 7pm. Here, Eli is posing with his chicken skewer, at Thai of Silver Spring around 8:30pm. I think he secretly was happy we were eating Thai, instead of Indian.

MY NEW FAVORITE ARTIST

STEPHANIE SCHNEIDERMAN

HANGING WITH THE REVEREND

It is amazing how quickly your attitude can change within 30 seconds. In a few seconds we can turn from laughter to anger. From joy to depression. The way we control our feelings is dependent upon only one person - you. Last week, I was at a political event with many politicians and celebrities. Being the crazy extrovert, I began my quest to take a photo wit all of the famous people in the room.

All of a sudden, I noticed the paparazzi taking photos of Reverand Al Sharpton. “This is going to be a big score,” I thought. I inched my way towards the good reverend and waited patiently. He was laughing heartily. I snapped a photo (see photo on the right).

“Reverend Sharpton,” I called out to get his attention. “Sure,” he responded.
I wasn’t expecting him to respond so quickly. I was unprepared. Who was going to take our photo. (My wife, Rej was no where to be found, since she doesn’t approve of my crazy photo antics!)

Standing in close proximity to the Reverend was a beautiful woman. I assumed she was waiting to take a picture with him also. I assumed wrong.

“Excuse me, would you mind taking a picture of Reverend Sharpton and me,” I casually asked as I handed my camera to her.

“She don’t take no photos,” he said in a gruff voice.

Silence.

I was confused.


“Umm, sorry,” I apologized. I hadn’t realized she was with him.

“It’s fine,” she said, in an embarrassed tone. She reached out to take my camera.

“I said, she don’t take no photos,” he announced again, in a demanding voice.

“Oh, oh,” I thought.

Luckily, her girlfriend who was standing nearby saved the moment from further embarrassment by snapping the photo for me.

Within a span of 30 seconds, these two photos were taken.

Isn’t it remarkable how our attitude can change so quickly within a short period of time?

EATING TO THE CORE

GOING GREEN

Piano lessons are going well. Jaelin started playing with two hands this week. Impressive. I can foresee a college scholarship in the future.

MOVE OVER PHELPS

The swimming lessons last spring are starting to pay for themselves. You go girl!